The most essential task in life is simply this one: figuring out how to identify and differentiate between different aspects of our lives so that we can make it abundantly clear to ourselves which parts of our lives are the result of external factors that are beyond our control and which aspects are the result of decisions that are entirely within our own sphere of influence. Then, where should we look for both good and evil? Not to things beyond our ability to control, but rather to the internal forces and decisions that are uniquely ours…
In Stoic philosophy, distinguishing between things that we can change and things that we can’t change is the single most important practice. what we have control over and what we do not have control over There has been a delay in the flight due to the weather, and yelling at an airline representative will not make the storm go away. You can wish all you want, but it won’t change the fact that you were born in the same country or that you’re not taller or shorter. You will never be able to win someone’s favour no matter how hard you try. In addition to this, the time you spend hurling yourself at these immovable objects is time that you are not spending on the things that you are able to change.
The prayer “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” is something that is commonly practised within the recovery community. The trauma that addicts experienced as children cannot be undone. They are unable to take back the decisions they have made or the pain they have caused others. However, through the power that they hold in the here and now, they have the ability to alter the course of the future. They have control over the decisions they make right now, as Epictetus pointed out.
It is the same for us in modern times. Not only will we be happier if we are able to concentrate on determining which aspects of our day are under our control and which are not, but we will also have a significant competitive advantage over other people who fail to recognise that they are engaged in a fight that cannot be won.
